Short jokes
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."
What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.
Why is a ball rolling when you put it on a hill?
Because it is circle.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
Your forehead is so big it can't even fit in the garage!
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.
Orphan: I love abcdefu!
Caretaker: Why? You don't have anyone to flip off.