Short jokes
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."
Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."
What is the biggest fear of firefighters?
Burnout at work.
What happens when the terminator pees?
Gasoline descent.
What cigarettes does Churchill's wife like to smoke?
Blue Winston.
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.
Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
"Hey, is that a peach?"
*gets slapped on the butt*
"Noted."
You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
What were the twin towers plains?
God's playing Jenga.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.