Short jokes
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
I know where you live! I saw you before!
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
Why did Elsa let go of the balloon?
Car show: "Let It Go," get it?
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.
I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."
"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."