Short jokes
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
What do you call Aston?
Asston.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
Q: What did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy?
A: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.
I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.