Short jokes
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
Why is 8 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9. If you think it doesn't make sense, then it is "7 ate 9."
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
How is the weather down there?
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?
Why did the Italian cross the road?
C'era un uliveto.
Why is Russia invading Ukraine?
«Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»
Your mother is so fat, she doesn’t need...
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
Why did the joke cross the street?
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.