Short jokes
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
I want to cream, rn.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.
Ahhhhh shit! IT’S HUNTING SEASON y’all!
"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."
Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"
Clit
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.