Short jokes
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"Windows 10 shutting down."
What's the difference between being gay and straight? Well, it is the hole.
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
What's the difference between me and the rest of America?
I love one and hate the other.
I hate this website. It sucks. Like if you agree!
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
Why was Hitler broke?
The gas prices are outrageous.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
I want to cream, rn.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.