She jokes

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?

She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.

One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.

Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or No," she replied.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.

Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.

"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.

"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"

How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.