She jokes

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

I've been told I've got a perfect cock.

She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.

Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

Best way to trick your friends:

A brick falls out of a plane.

How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!