Sex jokes

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

What is the definition of fellatio?

Auto masturbation.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its cock.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?

"I love eating cat."

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.