Sex jokes
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.