Sex jokes
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
Why can't a woman find a glory hole inside of the lady's room?
Because piss comes out of a woman's pussy.
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?