Sex jokes
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
Boy and girl.
Boys af sex wus ur girl?
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
What day can you have sex on?
Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
I eat dick.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
How do you sex?
With penis!
Jajajajja funny joke epic laugh. I have been detained, please help!
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.
Why do people have sex? Because they're dumb.
Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)
Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)
"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.
Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."
Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"