Sex jokes
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.