Sex jokes

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One to trust and the other to thrust.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

What is the definition of fellatio?

Auto masturbation.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.