Sex jokes
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
6 looks like someone facing up.
9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Memes
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.
FUCK ME DADDY!!!!
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.