Sex jokes

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

What is the definition of fellatio?

Auto masturbation.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.