Sex jokes

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?

Boston cream pie.

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

What should people do with their floppy dicks?

I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!

What wiggles and waggles?

A floppy dick!

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!

(I am still a single young virgin.)

I think my penis has facial recognition.

A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.

I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.

What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?

They become in-bread.

Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"

The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."

After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

Would I be considered a "homo" because I have sex at home?