Sex jokes

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?

because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.

What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?

And microtransaction.

what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?

loading the dishwasher.

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?

Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.

If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.