Sex jokes

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.

Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.

What is the difference between paying $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole and paying $175.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from an able-bodied bisexual white female who is also a sex worker at a glory hole?

If you give $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole you are saving yourself $125.00. 💸😁

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

When is rape normal?

When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.

What did the penis say to the condom?

"Cover me, I'm going in!"

A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"

What's the difference between apples and dead babies?

I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.

His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.

His boss told him: "You suck."

And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.

His boss told him: "You suck for life!"

XD

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?

A slow clap.

How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?

The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"

If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!