Sex jokes

What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.

His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.

His boss told him: "You suck."

And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.

His boss told him: "You suck for life!"

XD

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?

The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"

If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

What is the best type of girl to fuck?

Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.

You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"