Sex jokes
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.