Sex jokes
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Nah, he got nailed...
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.