Sex Jokes

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

What do sex and food have in common? Grandma makes both better.

. How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

How does Stephen hawking have sex, enter backspace enter backspace enter backspace

My Sex Life

sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe

Woman: Doctor doctor I've been raped.

Doctor: Sex is good for you

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"

Sex is like pizza When it’s hot, it’s great When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her

What’s something you can say in bed and in a zoom meeting Do you want the cameras on or off?

WOULD YOU RATHER: Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t? or Drink a gallon of sperm?

you

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks " what's that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey.