Sex jokes
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓲𝓮.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.