Sex jokes

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.

What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.

Many years of sex in the dark.

The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"

The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"

New degree plans announced by Cornell University:

- Frat Studies, includes classes in acquiring ketamine and arranging threesomes with your homeboy and some random girl.

- Sorority Studies, includes classes in oral sex, binge drinking, and bullshitting after the fact.

- Consent Theory, teaches the new generation that "Yes" means "No" and your problems can all be solved by regretting your own poor decision-making (the shop's still open btw).

Roses are red, lemons are sour.

Open your legs and give me an hour.

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?" Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.

Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.

Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.

"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

Six shila.