Sex jokes
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?
Alien vs. Predator.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
Ex-girlfriend: “I can smell fish.”
Ex-boyfriend: “I can smell sh*t.”
Ex-boyfriend: “Well, how many boys swam down there?”
Ex-girlfriend: “20!”
Fish: “Wasn’t me, I don’t swim around mistakes.”