Sex jokes
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
Condoms are for pussies.
Why don't gay Greek men have anal sex with each other in Greece?
Because anal sex between gay men is against the law in Greece.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
Memes
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
"Penis equals power, pussy equals wussy."
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
Seriously, who wants dicks?
Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)
Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)
Your face with my cum.
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
What's the difference between an aborted fetus and an upside-down bar stool?
An upside-down bar stool can only pleasure 4 men.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.
What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.