Sex jokes
After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
My penis.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Q: What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
A: Loading up the dishwasher.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
I charge 50 bucks a suck.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
69.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.