Sex jokes

Why is Santa's sack so big?

Because he only cums once a year.

I charge 50 bucks a suck.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

69.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder!

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.