I knew a girl that died from having phone sex.... He died of hearing aids
prostitutes love their job's their always having a blast
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit faced. Almost closing time brother you gonna snag yeah I'm taking her home he walks over she gathers her things. Walking out together he takes her to his car outback they stay messing around then start having sex he starts to get carried away he looks at down at her she looks up at him and says slow down cousin your going to fast...
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
You should always wash your sex toys, thats why priests baptise babies
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic
Plus she's too young to smoke
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best Lubricant for anal sex?
-No more tears.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes. My teacher turns to the class and asks “If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?” So I raised my hand and said “Asians have small penis” he looked at me and said “very good. But I was looking for a definition.
What did the woman say to the man? Stop. What did the man do? Keep going
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE
The man told the women “Roses are red violets are blue you suck cock and you enjoy it too.” Then she said that true.
So two people are on a date and the guy says “wow you are so beautiful” then the girl says “you just want to have sex” then the guy adds “SMART TO!”
Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., awh awh awh"
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6 year old in the trunk of my car.
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great either
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
I asked my daddy what sex was he said wanna cum and try it
