Sex jokes
Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.
I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
What do you call a sad porno?
A tear jerker.
*walks into sex shop*
Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.