Science jokes
Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?
Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!
An acronym for penis is Proton-enhanced nuclear induction spectroscopy. So just remember, the word "nuclear" is part of a penis.
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!
For some reason, quarks sound really strange to me.
Very funny battery joke.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
SCP-1540 transforms in-front of a d-class:
D-class: Whoa dude, you’re a wolf!
SCP-1540: A am a were.
What's an astronaut's favorite game? Space-ball!
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?
He saw the climate change.
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!