Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.
Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.
When a asteroid is coming to kill us all: 98.9% of the population: OMG WERE ALL GONNA DIE 1% of the population: eh… I neber had any friends anyway. Alia: ROLL THE INTRO
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”
I awoke in the middle of the night, to the sound of a thunderous pounding noise. The house was literally three rooms small so i could pinpoint the sound fairly easy, It was coming from Johns room, it was then i realized that Lewis and Kian were gone, it was then i noticed the huge hole in the wall which was sticky to the touch. I put my eye to hole to take a peek, it was met by a chode with ginger pubes, i recoiled instantly. I tried to make a run for it to make it downstairs i then remembered there was no downstairs. I made it to the hallway to find my escape blocked by no other than john with kian at his flank. He whispered “Its ok Oliver Hebden-Smith, your safe now” Kian proceeded to advance on my position i ducked and rolled to evade his grasp, his wart and spot covered hands brushing my skin. Kian fell over after running towards me and had an asthma attack. John was still in my way he looked almost angry now. “YOU KINKY SHIT” he bellowed. Out of nowhere i felt arms around me i turned to discover it was Mr Murphy. I broke from Mr Murphy’s grasp to make it the the front door. As i made my way to escape I ran into my worst nightmare, the door flung open and standing there in all their glory was Kians two fat lesbo neighbours. They charged at me trying to take me down. I could hear her neck snap as i drop kicked the first one. I then disposed of the blind one by triple power bombing her. With them out of the equation i dashed to the door. John was too fast and swiftly made it to the door , the locked it with key then shoved it up Lewis’s butchin. John looked pissed now. John lunges at me. Suffocating me in his vice like grip. He carried me to his room while he chanted “Your safe now”. Borthwick poked his head out and said “nice of you to join us” i said croakly “f... off borthwick look at your trim.” Borthwick then looked at the ground sadly and lonely and left Kian’s. Sadly my fate did not end the same as John chained me up in his room. While in johns room i could hear the distant screams of the children he must be keeping below, by the sounds of it they were infants. “Oh im gonna punish you boy” John said as he brushed his foreskin against my chest. He then walked away and asked me … “ye want some crisps”. He came back with 4 packets of cheese and onion and shoved each individual crisp either up my arse or down my japs eye. While i was recovering from this severe pain he continously rubbed his bellend on my nostril. He then took my off the wall and tied me to the table. He then trimmed his toenails and threw the clippings at me. I was disgusted beyond belief and had been crying for a long time. Then a last hope appeared, i got a phone call from Jimbo Simpson i answered and screamed for help. Jimbo came charging like a bull within seconds braking down the door. I gave my battle cry “Sticky to the touch” so jimbo could instantly locate me. He took down john and devoured in one bite. He threw me out the window. I had finally escaped.