Roll Jokes

Destiny Hope
in Fat

Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.

Dick Richard

What do you call a gay drive by? A fruit roll up.

0
NibbaBoy

What’s stephen hawkins favorite song?

-They see me rolling.

2
Shmeef

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

2
Anonymous

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what the heck is this?”

The bank manager looks back at her and says: “It’s a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone”

Anonymous
in Puns

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

Anonymous
in Roast

my friend; yo stupid me; is that right and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you einstien My friend; rolls eyes and says whatever me; keep on rolling them you might find your brain in there

Anonymous

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Tony

Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

3
Paul Bartram
in Toilet Paper

I got in touch with my inner self today, it’s the last time I use 1 ply toilet roll

1
Anonymous
in Chair

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair. … she likes to rock And roll lol

FernandoCrouch
in Puns

How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Running, JK rolling!

Anonymous

your mom

Anonymous

These three men wanted to start a band one had the idea to call them the rolling stones, one wanted to call them the veggies the other said lets be the cripples as they all rolled away

watersharky

I hate this-Everybody knows its how I roll if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll-My Uncle said this…

Carlos 0w0

How did stephen hawking die?

He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall

0
Anonymous
in Puns

What is harry potters favorite way to get down a hill? Walking JK rolling.

Anonymous

What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill? A. A lamb slide

Anonymous
in Offensive

What do u call a gay drive by a fruit roll up

Angel from Hell

What’s Stephen Hawking’s favourite band? The Rolling Stones.