100+ Roll Jokes

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

- They see me rolling.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.

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Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?

The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."

What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?

"They see me rolling, they hatin'."

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?

So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

your mom

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.