Science Jokes

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?

Panera Sed!

What's an astronaut's favorite game? Space-ball!

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?

"I have runny volcanoes."

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.

Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.

What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?

Steven Hawking after a house fire.

I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?

Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?

The owners know that forces come in pears.

What do you call a person who measures air? Airometer.

Why are tomatoes red? Because they contain the carotenoid lycopene!

XD RawR woof woof bark bark UwU meowwwww ROFL LMAO LOLOLOOLOLOL KEKW KEKW PEPELASUGH

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

What did the neutron say to the atom?

"Sandwiches, dude!"

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.