School jokes

I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:

"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."

....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.

RIP Meh Soul.

What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?

Downey.

Me: Sorry I couldn’t make it to school yesterday, I had an appointment.

Teacher: What kind of appointment?

Me: I had an appointment with a cut day. 😈😈😈

True story.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?

Because they practice at the best schools.

Why do Orphans like school?

Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

Later!

The Lenovo computers at school stopped working.

They had to call an archeologist.

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."

Why are school shooting jokes so funny?

Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.