School jokes

Playing a game called 7-Up.

Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?

Teacher: It's cheating!

Student: No! It's the object of the game.

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

What is big and fun and yellow? A school bus!

I didn’t know what a class clown was till I went to a class and realized I was a class clown in kindergarten, and then I woke up from a nightmare.

I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.

I did a walk today and I had to walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from home and walk walk home and I had a good time with you and walk home from home and walk walk home and I had to.

I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.

A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."

Why can’t orphans go on field trips?

Because they need a parent’s signature.

Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!

Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.

Teacher: Why not?

Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.

Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?

A: Because they don't have any parents.

Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.

The quiet kid, orphan, and school shooter walked into a bar, and he ordered a beer.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

What do you call a group of sped kids with AK-47s?

Special forces.

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

The worst joke ever.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"