School jokes

How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?

Go through the dumbbell door.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

What’s one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in school zones.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite place to eat?

A: Schools because there is a wide variety of choices.

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."