New School Jokes

What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.

Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,

Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

Devora Malka, the Nora School, Silver Springs, Maryland, also known as Opal.

Name: Jack, call sign "triple".

School: Nova corps gun academy.

Location: Wyoming mountains.

What do you call it when school starts in Africa?

Black to school.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

Why didn't the child go to school?

Because he died of a heroin overdose.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.