School jokes

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.

My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.

Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.

The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."

There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

I'm shocked about Donald Trump escaping the transgender accusations. Trump is more talkative than any of the popular girls I went to school with! Not to mention Trump's tweets...

Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.

Friend: What were the tests about?

Me: Japan.

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

Teacher: This assignment is big.

Student (male): I have something that's big.

Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.