Scale jokes
Big
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
Yo mama so fat, the last time she 90210 was on a scale.
Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
"Mine is 3 inches."
"That's not very lo..."
"From the ground."
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairs to heaven.
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.