Say jokes

What did the hat say to the tie?

"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

USS Liberty. Never forget.

It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.

Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?

Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

What did the lettuce say when she is popping the champagne?

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?

"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

What do you say to the USA after 9/11? Checkmate.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

What did the first guy say to the second? Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?

what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.