Say jokes
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
Say, "Moommy."
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
What did the bus say to the other bus?
"Beep!"
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
Say "I hate happiness" without the "hs".
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?
"Daddy?"