what did the angel say when it went to heaven? well halo there!
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself" He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, I hope that wan't to much to (Handel), (Dont) let it (Strauss) you out. For all of my musicians out there!
Comebacks when someone say Bully: Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic. Say: At least its brighter than your future
Credit x/@jesopa
My mother was so sad after my grandpas death she went into the bathroom with my uncle and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on saying that she was pregnant.
Say invented without the first n
What did the Dick say to The condom
Cover me I’m going in😚😏
I named my dog 5 miles so i could say i ran five miles today i ran over 5 miles
A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I'll fuck you for $10. The boy says “I would but I don't have any money.” She says “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok so they go up stairs and fuck. The prostitute says “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
An old lady walks into an adoption centre and the lady that runs the business says “Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!”
Some people ask why jokes exist, I say when a mommy and daddy love each other very much they have sex and they make another one of you
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
What does one saggy boob Say to the other saggy boob
If we don’t get some support people Will think we are ball sacks....
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked "It's dark in here isn't?" and the other one says "I don't know I can't see.
When the school shooter is about to leave the room then the autistic kid says “Goodbye!”.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount, I served in the war?" The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?" "Nein," said the old man.
Two chinamen walk into a bar, the landlord says why the same face.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says "A beer please! and one for the road!"
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people
But quite Anne frankly I'd be lying
A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says "doctor I have a confession". The doctor asks "what is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis". The doctor looks at her and asks "anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies "no, just a penis".
