Say jokes

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

What’s the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

A straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-do!"

A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do!"

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.