Say jokes

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

What did John Cena say to the blind kid? "You can't see me."

What did Google Translate say to Siri?

"Why are you so Siri-ous?"

A dog talks to another dog and says,

"Wow, you're a hot dog!"

What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?

"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

There's at least 856 pages of these newest puns. I couldn't finish, because it took me an hour just to get that far. Just saying, that's a lot of jokes!

what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"

Say, "Crack my fingers."

Now say that backwards...

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!

Rob: .....BECKY :3

There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!

I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."

JK.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."