Say jokes

What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!

One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.

The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in her butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”

“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there.”

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?

This is a pig problem!

There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"

What did Caesar’s cat say to him? Nothing. Cats don’t talk.

What did the pencil say to the other pencil? Your looking sharp!

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

What do skeletons say before they eat?

Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?

JENGA!!!!

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.

Heard the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

What did the angry cow say to its enemy?

"We have beef!"

What did the eagle say to Obama?

He said: "Joe Mama!"

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"

Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"