Say jokes

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.

He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.

Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"

The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."

The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.

So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.

Why the actual f

is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not and no one will know the goddam difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, “It’s too offensive,” or something like that. Goddam, just take that shit somewhere else!

What did the knife say to the other knife?

"Knife to meet you."

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

What did the Indian person say to the lady?

"Curry up, will you?"

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

Confucius say: "Gay man who take far, far away trip, hates to leave friends behind."

A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"

What did the meditating egg say?

A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.

One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?

A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

Sorry if that offended anyone.

“I guess we are going down together!”

What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?

"Wow, Harry!"

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"

UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.

America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖

There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."