Say jokes

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."

Who says white people can't jump?

Have you seen the 911 footage?

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

Me: What did one toilet say to the other?

You: What?

Me: You look flushed!

What games would deaf people not be good at?

Simon says and Musical chairs.

[god creating alligators]

God: See that log?

Angel: Yes...?

God: Now fill it with teeth.

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!

Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:

A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.

B. That men are actually treated unequally.

SO

we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

What did the salad say to pineapple?

"Lettuce be friends."

I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.

A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.