Say jokes

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."

What did the person say to the orphan?

"Where are your parents?"

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."