Say jokes

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.

What am I?

Answer: a Riddle.

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bartender here?"

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."