Say jokes

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

What did the person say to the orphan?

"Where are your parents?"

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

What did Bonnie say to Chica?

"Go kill yourself, dumbass bitch."

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?

"Hello Ladies!"

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"