Say jokes

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

What did Bonnie say to Chica?

"Go kill yourself, dumbass bitch."

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?

"Hello Ladies!"

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."