Say jokes
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
Memes
What did Bonnie say to Chica?
"Go kill yourself, dumbass bitch."
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’