Say jokes
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."
What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.
What did the chancla say to the belt?
"It's time."
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
So a man walks into the bar. The bartender looks to him and says, "You look like you're having a rough day, tell me about it?"
The man then stood up and became Mario!
Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"