Say jokes
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
What’s the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
A straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-do!"
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do!"
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"