Say jokes

What did the person say to the orphan?

"Where are your parents?"

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?

"Hello Ladies!"

When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?

She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’

What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.