Say jokes
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
Sonic says if you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
What did the eagle say to Obama?
He said: "Joe Mama!"
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you say to an upset German?
Quit being such a sauerkraut!
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
What did President Ford say when he met Betty?
"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."