Say jokes

The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

What did Jake say to Peggy?

"CALC-U-LATOR!" Get it? Like, "Catch you later!"

Your hairline's so bad, your dad went to get the milk and never came back. Years later, he comes back and says, "Go get a hairline, boy."

Your hairline is back, people say. "Look at this dude."

Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"

The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."

What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

What did the one tower say to the other?

"Here comes the airplane!"

What would an emo say to someone to make them join the EMO side?

A: Go kill yourself!

What did the seal say to the shark?

"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"

What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?

Open wide, here comes the plane!

Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.

Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

The man says, "Can you hump me?" So the other boy says, "Bro bro bro bro bro."