Say jokes

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

Yo mama so fat, flat earthers say she's round.

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you say to an upset German?

Quit being such a sauerkraut!

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

What did the acute triangle say to the obtuse triangle?

Nothing, triangles can't talk.

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

What did the eagle say to Obama?

He said: "Joe Mama!"

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Say "I hate happiness" without the H (all of them).

You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say bye!

What did the dog say to the cat? Ruff!

How do emo kids compliment each other? They say, "I like your cuts, G!"

The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.

What did Jake say to Peggy?

"CALC-U-LATOR!" Get it? Like, "Catch you later!"

What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"

What would an emo say to someone to make them join the EMO side?

A: Go kill yourself!

What did the seal say to the shark?

"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"