Say jokes

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?

"I Truss-ted you!"

By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.

But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f

... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.

What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"

Two mums hook up!

Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"

The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

What do you say to a magician with autism?

Are you "Autism-ic?"

Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

What did the neutron say to the atom?

"Sandwiches, dude!"

What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?

Ow!

Little Johnny's mom is taking a shower. Little Johnny walks in and asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Mommy says, "That is my keyhole." The next day, Little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and Little Johnny asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Daddy says, "That is my key." The next day Little Johnny says to his dad, "Looks like the neighbor has the key to Mommy's keyhole too."