Say jokes

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

What did the priest say during the christening?

"So anyway, I started blasting!"

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

What did the shirt say to the pants?

Belt.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

Şehmus ne demiş? Ne bileyim, olm, ona sor.

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

What do you say to the USA after 9/11? Checkmate.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Q: What did the emo kid say to the other emo kid?

A: I like ya cut, G.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

What did the plane say to the twin towers?

"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."

How to know something won’t be fun:

Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.