Say jokes
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
What did the German Shepherd dog say to Hitler?
"Mein Führer ist steckenbleiben in meinen Zähnen."
What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, because they are walls.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Memes
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?
"Call 911!"
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."