Say jokes

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?

"I'm not a-moosed right now."

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."

The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"

The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

What can’t a Black person say to a police officer?

"Thanks for the warning."

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?

"Call 911!"

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Nothing, because fish can't talk.

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)

What did one tower say to the other? "Damn, you looking fly!"

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?

"Some ting wong."

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."