Say jokes
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Asians love it when a British person says "Race!"
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
(Omg omg literally dislike I'm so cringe!)
When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
"UwU my balls says mommy."
"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"