Santa jokes
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"
The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"
Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"
Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."
The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"
Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."
Little Johnny said, "What truth?"
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.