Said jokes

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.

He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!

My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

Yo mama so big, her belt size said "equator."

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”