Said jokes

Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."

I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"

He called the cops.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

What did the pen say to the pencil?

The pen said, "You're pointy."

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."