What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
My chance of finding love.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
Hey, you down to fuck?
No, I’m just down.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
My sex life.
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
