Valentine jokes

People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪

My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, and the middle one is for you.

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.

You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"

Roses are red, clovers are green.

I love your legs and what's in between. LOL

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Oh, shit, I have nothing to say to you!

What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.

Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.

Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!

I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:

Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?

Because he wanted grapes.

Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.