When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!
I would roast you but you're already so hot.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
