My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
I am the danger.
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe. (Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers each person spins it and try not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not you point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger)
I just gotta come out and say it. I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining⛏ community.
When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!
Why do risky people have cats
So they have 10 live with them
Why is it bad to climb a tree?
You might fall on an orphan! 🫥
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
