Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Risk Jokes
I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.
Why did the orphan become famous? Because they said, "Go big or go home!"
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
I am the danger.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
