A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."
The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."
The condom just sitting there laughing.
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
