Risk jokes

Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?

It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

The toaster, otherwise the perfect bath bomb.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.

What do you call people who jumped in the dam?

A dam fool.

One day I threw a boomerang...

Now I live in constant fear.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

"Hold my beer, watch this."

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.