Why is it bad to climb a tree?
You might fall on an orphan! 🫥
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
One day I threw a boomerang...
Now I live in constant fear.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
"Hold my beer, watch this."
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
