Risk jokes

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

I am the danger.

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

Are you a toaster?

Because I wanna take a bath with you.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!

Why do risky people have cats?

So they have 10 lives with them.

Why is it bad to climb a tree?

You might fall on an orphan! 🫥

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!

Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.