Ride jokes
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to ride Ponyboy Curtis.
What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?
The Beetle!
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Yo mama's so fat that every time she goes on an elevator, it goes down.
Why did I have to pay $300 on Uber?
I had to get from your forehead to your big ass nose.
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
What fruit loves rollercoasters the most?
A kiwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.