Ride jokes
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.
Horses ride him.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!
Why can’t orphans ride bikes?
Because they don’t have parent supervision.
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
Why did the cow cross the road? Because he was riding the chicken!
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Why was the rapper always calm during a storm?
Because he knew how to RIDE THE FLOW.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.