I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.
Horses ride him.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Why can’t orphans ride bikes
Because they don’t have parent supervision
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!
Why did the cow cross the road? Because he was riding the chicken 🐔 🐄
Why was the rapper always calm during a storm?
Because he knew how to RIDE THE FLOW
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
