Ride jokes
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
Why can’t orphans ride bikes?
Because they don’t have parent supervision.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
You are so skinny that they won't let you ride a fucking roller coaster because you flew before.
Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?
Because her wheelchair was good.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Fat jokes and mom jokes😂
1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."
2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.
3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."
4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!
5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."
6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"
Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."