Restaurant jokes
Yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC, she asked for the bucket on the roof.
What happened to the woman who slipped in a seafood restaurant?
Um...I don't know what?
She slipped on a mussel!
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
Have you heard of Wendy's?
Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.
Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.
So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."
And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"
What is Juice WRLD's favorite restaurant?
Little Seizures.
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
Did you hear about the new Chinese food?
It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!
What is BK but gay?
Bgay.
Have you eaten at the restaurant on the Moon? It's got good food, but no atmosphere.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.