Dining jokes
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.