Dining jokes

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

None, they both eat out.

All the children ate at the Indian restaurant, except for Simon, because he was eaten by the restaurant owner.

Mo sal. F.

The Schönes restaurant has a great atmosphere. Order a counter and pay Tari, or Eich super made sure food and drinks stayed upright.

The historic gastronomy of the Hochspreizener, however, is even better. The lasagna is delicious and the rest will be waiting for you for days. Microwave effect. War is great.

This company is not cheap and the methods are excellent.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.

The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"

I replied, "As soon as possible!"

Where do you go to get the best fish?

A restaurant on the Titanic.

Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?

Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.

What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.

When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."

Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?

Good food, but no atmosphere.

A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.

When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!

Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?

Because they don't have a family to go with.

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?

"Dine and dash."