Dining

Dining Jokes

Pedophile

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Waiter

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Karma

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

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  • Girlfriend

    You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

    Food

    Have you ever tried North Korean food?

    Neither have the North Koreans.

    Steak

    "Waiter, my steak is too skinny."

    "It's a strip steak, sir."

    "At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"

    Restaurant

    Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

    Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

    Restaurant

    I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

    Waitress

    Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

    Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.

    Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

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  • Chili

    Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.

    Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”

    Person #2: “No, you can have it.”

    Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”

    Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.

    Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”