Remembering jokes

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Anybody remember 9/11? Cause I sure do, and oh boy was my father a good pilot!💥

Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

Anyone remember the following?

Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

Her name was Lola.

She was a loner.

At the Copa.

Then I saw her,

And I got a boner.

The next morning,

She couldn't remember if I banged her.

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"

Remember kids, ejaculate, then evacuate.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!