Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"
I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"
She said, "Yes."
"Knock knock."
I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"
You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
Anyone remember the following?
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.
Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"
Remember kids, ejaculate, then evacuate.
I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.
Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?
Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
